The first time I got pregnant was in 2008, at age 19.
My family didn’t want to be at risk for infection.
The doctor’s office was packed, but we were in the country.
I had an epidural, and my parents didn’t.
But I knew I had to go.
So I got a second abortion, in November of that year.
But the experience was different.
My first pregnancy was in my 20s, and I didn’t feel the pain, the stress.
The only thing that came back was a feeling of being overwhelmed by all of the things I was going through.
I couldn’t sleep, I couldn.
I started thinking about how I didn, as a mother, feel.
A couple of months later, I had another baby, and after I was done, I was able to have a normal pregnancy again.
The first few months were the worst, and they were the hardest.
I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to walk down the street without getting called, but I wasn, because it felt like there was no way I could.
That experience changed everything about my life, but that’s not the only reason I’m happy.
Now, with my second pregnancy, I have a different perspective.
I have more energy, and the physical side of things is also much easier.
I’m much more confident and less stressed, which helps me cope with the new responsibilities of having a second child.
I love going to the gym, and it makes me feel much more in control of my body, which makes me more attractive to men.
But my husband, who’s a doctor himself, is thrilled.
He’s seen a decrease in my depression and anxiety, which is a huge relief.
He says I’m the kind of person who can handle anything.
He knows how hard it is to conceive, and so when I’m with him, I feel like I have the same ability.
It’s just a matter of time before he realizes I’m doing everything I can to make this baby a reality.
For now, the first time he gets to see me without a shirt, I’m sure he’s aghast.
He looks at me and says, “You’re pregnant?”
And I’m like, “Yes, of course.”
Then he says, to my surprise, “Are you?”
I’m surprised he wants to know.
The second time he’s not too thrilled, and we sit down and have dinner together and I’m so excited.
We talk about the first pregnancy, about all the pain and the stress and all of that.
I tell him, “I’m a new mom, and now I’m trying to do it right.
I know it can be hard, but my husband is going to give it my all.
He trusts me.
I can do whatever I want.”
I’m very proud of my new self, but the more I do, the more it makes sense to me.
After having my second baby, I went to the doctor again, but this time, I took him out of the room.
The appointment lasted three hours, and he said, “We have to do this, because I don’t know what I’ll do if he wants the second time.”
I was a little worried, because my first pregnancy came too late, and this time I wanted to do everything right.
But as I got to know my doctor more, I realized that he was right.
He wanted to see if I was doing the right things, and if I would give my body all of its power to create the perfect baby.
And I did.
My second pregnancy was a success.
I felt more empowered and wanted to get to know the new me, to feel what it feels like to have my baby.
I don, too, like to make it about me, and when I do make it, it’s for my baby, not mine.
I think of my first baby, who was born in November.
I wanted him to be happy, and to be healthy, and had to be my baby-making machine.
My daughter is a little girl now, but it’s still the same me.
My husband is always there, so I feel free, and then I get to do what I want.
My new self is happy.
I feel much better about myself.
If I’m going to have another baby someday, I don and want to make sure that my body is doing everything it can to get that baby out.
And that’s a good thing.