Reigning social media stars, celebrities, beauty standards, everything seems out of reach in a place where perfection is idolized. How can you feel comfortable with yourself in that kind of environment?
It seems like today’s society is axed toward reaching impossible physical beauty goals. Perfection is venerated, even though the society is full of flaws.
As I wrote a blog post relating to confidence a month ago, I realized that one problem remained. It is one thing to be confident, and another to be comfortable in your own skin. The major issue is that in order to be confident, you need to feel comfortable about yourself.
In fact, feeling at ease, at peace with yourself is mostly about loving and accepting yourself. In a harsh community, surrounded by fake bodies and faces, it’s hard to not compare yourself and accepting how you are regardless of standards. I’ll tell you what – I’m going to tell you six sentences that will help you feel more comfortable about yourself!
Although they might not ring any bell on acceptance and self-love to you particularly, I’d still like you to read through the article. We never know what you could get out of this! Let’s get into it.
Sentence 1: Nobody is perfect.
In your mind, you have to tell yourself one simple thing: nobody is perfect. It is hard to believe, but every influencer, celebrity, fashion icon are all human and have their own flaws.
All these perfect faces and bodies are being enhanced with photographic techniques such as lighting and the use of Photoshop in order to fit society’s unreachable criteria.
I found on 10 Steps.sg, a website featuring photoshop tutorials and resources, a comparison of before and after what celebrities look like, going through photo retouching. As some retouchings are mild, some of them have a striking difference. Whether it is about correcting skin imperfections or the shadows or even change the eye color of the model, a variety of changes are made on the original pictures in order to achieve a certain level of perfection.
Here is an example of the power of photo retouching on a man’s face.
40 Amazing Before and After Photo Retouching Photos link:
In a market full of fake physical assets and unachievable standards, the only real people are us, the “normal” people. Although there is no such a thing as normal or abnormal, you get what I mean. We have the power to be real and we have to embrace it.
Sentence 2: You create your own insecurities
How many times have you told about your insecurities to someone, and then get an answer that sounds like: “Wow, stop focusing on that, it’s not THAT bad!” or even something like: “You’re the only one who cares about that!”? My guess is a lot of times.
We all deal with insecurities. It is hard to just look at yourself and realize: “Wow, I’m nothing like what I see on Instagram or on TV…”. It’s understandable. We want to be perfect and look good to society, no matter how we reflect on it.
On this matter, I want to focus on one thing: you are creating your own insecurities. By talking to people about my insecurities and their insecurities, I realized one crucial thing: you focus too much on what you don’t like, therefore you overly amplify the issue. Now, that is not always the case. There are some cases when insecurities are real troubles and truly need some serious attention and help. Some of you might even suffer from mental diseases and those are not to be messed with (see sentence 6 for that matter).
My point is, in the vast majority of the time, we are the sole creators of our insecurities. Some people think they’re too fat when in fact they look very good body-wise. Others say they’re too skinny when they are not. Many think that their legs are too short, or are too long. Some think that they are too tall or too short, and so on. Everyone has their own personal insecurities and that is, again, normal.
My biggest insecurities are my height and my moles on my face. Oh, and my legs, too short. I constantly feel like I’m too short, or wish I could be taller. As for my moles, I had a hard time accepting them because nobody had as many moles as I did. Celebrities and models do not have moles or they barely do. I even sought help from a dermatologist to remove at least some of them. Like I pointed out earlier, whenever I would talk about my insecurities, I would get told that it’s not as bad as I think and I should stop worrying sentence.
Whenever I would reflect on those answers, I would tell myself: okay, but what if I think it’s a big deal and I should worry? It’s not about what YOU think about me, it’s about what I think. My first Instagram selfies would always be oriented to my right side, the one with fewer moles because seeing myself would result in me seeing my moles, all the time.
A common example would be this picture. As I would see it, I would intensely focus on the moles on my cheeks and would’ve never liked that picture of me because of that.
As for this one, when I look at it, I feel like my legs are a bit short.
Now, I started making peace with myself. I still feel a bit short but I now feel comfortable uploading pictures of my face that show my moles. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll notice that I actually posted both of the pictures on my gram! I love myself for who I am because anyway, I’ll pretty much look like this my whole life. The earlier I start loving myself, the more time I’ll have to fully enjoy my life!
If I knew how others actually perceived me, I would probably not be insecure about anything. That’s what you have to always tell yourself: that it’s not as bad as you think. You are you, everyone else is everyone else. The key to living in harmony with your inner self is to be comfortable with who you are, to accept your image!
Sentence 3: It is okay to love yourself
As social media takes more and more place in our lives, it seems like loving yourself became a taboo. “Since you’re imperfect, you can’t be happy with who you are!”. This seems like the message society tries to tell us.
When we shame ourselves about our insecurities and imperfections, people console us saying that it is okay, nobody is perfect. On the other hand, someone shows that he/she feels good about him/herself and they get called cocky, conceited, narcissistic, you name it.
Screw them. It’s okay to love who you are. In fact, you should love yourself and feel comfortable with who you are. Life is so much better that way! People who reflect negativity are not to be dealt with and you should go on with your life. Haters are always going to hate.
For that reason, accept yourself as a whole. Tell yourself that your insecurities are not going to impede your self-comfort and well-being.
Remember: you are worth it. You can feel comfortable with yourself. Loving yourself first comes with you; embrace your flaws, keep a healthy mindset and the world is yours.
Sentence 4: You deserve to love yourself
You. You are the most important individual, your best friend, the only one to stick with you until you die. Life could be the greatest gift the world has given to you or your worst nightmare. Everything revolves around how YOU think and how you perceive yourself.
The very first step to enjoying life starts with you. You can’t expect people to love you if you can’t love yourself. If you can’t love yourself, how can you love someone else? Everything starts with YOU, and you only.
We are all born for a reason. If you deserve to live, nobody should tell you that you don’t deserve to love yourself. In fact, you deserve it more than anyone else. Life is beautiful and everyone should be able to enjoy it fully!
Sentence 5: You are not alone out there
If for any reason, you just can’t feel comfortable with yourself or can’t do it on your own, it’s okay. We live in a community for a reason: to help each other out.
Talk to a close relative or a friend about your insecurities or the reasons why loving yourself seems like an impossible task. The pieces of advice they give you might turn on a light that you thought was never there!
The power of letting your feelings out is very powerful. It truly helps. Opening up is like putting down all the weight you carry on your shoulders, so don’t neglect it.
One thing that keeps people away from opening up is the feeling of being vulnerable and showing your “weak” side. It is really not the case. I used to feel like that before too, mostly because I thought that, as a man, I shouldn’t show vulnerability or emotions. I thought that I had to stay strong. But it’s not true.
Whether you’re a man or a woman, a boy or a girl, everyone has their own problems and their own needs. Talking my feelings out and being emotional helped me going through a lot of hardship. Sometimes, it’s better to give in and accept it than keeping it inside and carrying all that burden on your shoulders, every single day.
I can’t stress it enough. It is normal to show that you actually worry about things and are insecure about yourself. If you know how to value your friends, you’ll realize that your friends are there for you and will do their best to help you, so will your family. You are not alone out there.
Sentence 6: It is okay to seek professional help.
If none of the statements above actually help you, there are still professionals out there that are trained and formed to help you. Psychologists know what they should do to help you. It might cost money, it might be hard at first to go there and admit you have difficulties loving yourself, but it’s definitely worth it. I never heard of a friend who went to therapy and said that they regret it or wasted money.
Therapy is done in privacy and the process is entirely confidential. As long as you don’t publicly show it, nobody will know it. A lot of individuals won’t accept seeking professional help because it is associated with insanity or whatever. It is false. Normal people go to psychologists and professionals for problems resulting from hardship. Stress, break-ups, depression, fears, you can get help for all that and more. Everyone has their own struggles and you need to do what you have to do in order to overcome them.
As I like to say, you are the only project you’ll work on in your entire life. Investing in yourself is the best kind of investment you can do. If it can help you love yourself, then I don’t know what you are waiting for. Sometimes, spending money for therapy can have a far greater impact on your life than trying to solve your problems by yourself or seeking help from your friends/family.
In the end of the day, you are the one living with yourself and so for the rest of your life. Your best chance to love life is to start with loving yourself. Don’t be afraid to try out solutions and don’t be afraid to ask for help!
Sometimes, it’s hard to accept who you are when everything you see, what society promotes, is unachievable standards. For that matter, here are the sentences I want you to read and to reflect on, as for self-love:
- Nobody is perfect
- You create your own insecurities
- It is okay to love yourself
- You deserve to love yourself
- You are not alone out there
- It is okay to seek professional help
I strongly recommend taking a look on my 5 No-Brainers To Get Confidence article. It contains little tips to help you do something about your appearance to boost your confidence.
Life is a beautiful thing when you are comfortable with yourself. Self-love is honestly a must in every living person. Read these sentences as much as you want to if you feel like you need it. Don’t forget that you are as important as anyone else and that you deserve to be comfortable with your own person!
Thank you for reading.
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Ryoma Martin, from The Soul’s Garment
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Featured Image: Photo by One Wedding on Unsplash